on that time i accidentally joined a cult: suspending reality and taking the bit too far
i am a very gullible person and i have known this my whole life.
i like to think i keep myself safe with skepticism, but i seem to get into... situations. for example: that time i joined a chinese salvationist religious sect.
it was the year 2018. i was 17 years old and my coworker gave me a paper with a time and date and a vague invitation to 'recieve dao'. i couldn't find anything about it online so my curiosity got the best of me and i showed up.
it was dark when i arrived at the temple. i walked to the front of the building where i was met by smiling faces inviting me to take my shoes off in favor of house slippers. they invited me in and split the male and female members to either side of the room. all of the new initiates seemed as confused as i was.
in the center of the room there stood a huge altar. there was a large buddha statue surrounded by gorgeous bowls filled with different fruits. infront of the altar sat two kneeling stools on either side of an ash filled pot holding around 10 sticks of insence stood vertically. the room was beautiful and spotless. there were painted portraits of many buddhas and chinese calligraphy. long red curtains lined the walls.
my memory from this time is hazy, so bear with me.
in pairs, one man and one woman, were called up to kneel. the master read from a small book in traditional mandarin as we were given a small scrap of paper with our name written in chinese characters to burn over a flame. when this was complete, we each lit a stick of incense and stood it vertically in the ash bowl to signify completion. by the time we all finished, the room was covered with a thick sandalwood-scented fog.
we helped to set up chairs infront of the altar - split down the center to allow for continued separation of the sexes.
there was a woman that claimed to have traveled a long ways to give us this sermon on "the meaning of life." she called herself something that i can only communicate phonetically: dien xuan shr.
this sermon went on for a very long time. she spoke of how lucky we were to be 'chosen' and about 'the eternal mother.' what stood out to me most was the part where she taught us the secret five-character mantra that would call apon god to save us in a grave time of need. we were sworn to eternal secrecy.
(cont.)
how likely are you to join a cult?
answer each question yes or no!
- do you experience generalized ego-weakness and emotional vulnerability?
- do you have propensities toward dissociative states?
- do you have tenuous, deteriorated, or nonexistent family relations and support systems?
- do you consider yourself to have inadequate means of dealing with exigencies of survival?
- do you have history of severe child abuse or neglect?
- have you been exposed to idiosyncratic or eccentric family patterns?
- do you experience proclivities toward or abuse of controlled substances?
- do you experience unmanageable and debilitating situational stress and crises?
- have you experienced intolerable socioeconomic conditions?
if you answered yes to:
1-3 you are a grounded individual
3-6 consider brushing off your old nike decades
6+ pass the kool-aid!
(cont.)
since recieving dao, we were now permitted to learn the secret chant that invokes the eternal venerable mother Wusheng Laomu. we were not permitted to speak, write, or even think these words, lest its power be lost. this chant was said to be used as an entry ticket at the gates of heaven or as a line direct to 'god' as a plea for divine assistance. btw here's the secret chant you shouldnt ever repeat or else: 無 Wu 太 Tai 佛 Fo 彌 Mi 勒 Le ... hehe.
at this time in my life, i was in an extremely abusive household and searching for any way out. call me crazy, but this felt like a golden ticket to my younger self.
i was wide-eyed and absorbing every word.
the sermon continues and i am locking eyes with the speaker. she says to the class that she alongside the eternal mother will always be there to catch us when we fall, and right at that moment, i have a vivid image flash of my chair breaking underneath me and her catching me in her arms. it was so vivid i couldn't tell it apart from reality. i was in absolute shock.
now i am no stranger to religious delusion... this isnt my first rodeo. im not sure if it was delusion or just my ocd playing flashy picture time in my head... maybe it was gay thoughts? all i know is that it felt so real. i told her about this experience after the sermon and she responded knowingly.
as the night wrapped up, we all sat down to a feast. everything was vegan and quite bland as this group did not believe in the consumption of onion or garlic (or any other seasoning either i guess?) i was given an apple and a card as proof of recieving dao on the way out of the building... that was the best apple i've ever had.
i went home and bathed in the glow of finally belonging to something larger to myself.
and proceeded to never return.
epilogue:
it wasnt until about a year ago that curiosity finally overcame obsession and i allowed myself to type the dreaded chant into google. i came across others curious about it and discovered that the temple i briefly attended was a sect of yiguandao (basically chinese mormonism?)
if i had a nickel for every time i ended up in a situation maybe id stop ending up in sitiations. but hey, we have fun here.