on gifted kid burnout and becoming a 12 year old cynic
as a circus kid, i didnt stay in any town long enough for me to pursue formal education. i'd enroll to a new school, whip through packets and packets of work so the government wouldn't get involved, and be on the road again within the month.
despite this, i never struggled with academics. i was incredibly enamored with the world and self motivated to a fault. my home life was dangerous and unpredictable and i found sanctity in learning. my daydreams became a mental security blanket.
my kindergarten teacher noticed i wasn't interested in classmates or schoolwork. i would turn in my worksheets and spend the rest of the day nesting in the reading nook. apparently participation matters just as much as grades do, so she reccomended me for testing.1
strangers began to pull me aside and give me tests, i started sitting in with the first graders, then later that year we had to trek up to canada for work. when i enrolled in school again, i was a 3rd grader.
people talk about gifted kid syndrome a lot but rarely touch on the experience of being the youngest one in your grade. when i started high school i had just turned 12 and everybody had something to say about it. oh my god you're only 12??? you must be a genius!
this may have turned me into the world's first 12 year old cynic.
many moons later, in my early 20's, i found a paper in our family china cabinet that read something to the tune of:
Your child tested 99th percentile in the country and is invited to participate in the GATE program.
i felt my world spin. i didn't know about any program. i didn't know why i was singled out like this. taken from my comfort and thrown to the sharks. nobody expained any of it to me.
maybe it was my parents responsibility. if so, im not surprised.
i wonder if the people who created this program thought they were doing us a favor? "gifted" sure does look good on paper. the thing is - nobody asked me what i wanted. i was comfortable where i was. i lost my childhood to academics and didnt have a single say in it.
i never caught a break again. i was in over my head with schoolwork and passed out when i got home. my passion for reading fell by the wayside and remains there to this day.
i could scream, but that wouldn't fix anything.
i'm in the gifted burnout club now and all i have left is the notion that i'm not alone here.
this entry was inspired bynetigen'saccount on reviving his passion of reading for enjoyment.
growing up with adhd and a heavy pressure to perform - i too feel compelled to consume but often retain very little. i can relate heavily there.
reading with a childlike curiosity is something i miss dearly and something i am a little more inspired to try again now.
thanks for the inspiration :)
i have this theory that most of us in the gate program were just autistic... someone should do a study on this.↩